Falling Apart
by Cindy Ryan
Summary: Lucy's first night home doesn't go smoothly.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Falling Apart  
author: Cindy Ryan  
spoilers: all  
Notes: This may turn into a Tim/Lucy romantic fic but haven't decided yet.

Jackson West had been so exhausted when he'd finally got to bed that night he'd fallen asleep on top of the covers. That was until a scream shot him bolt upright. He was out of bed before his brain registered that it was still dark and that the scream belonged to his roommate. Grabbing is off duty weapon from it's place on the top of the dresser Jackson opened the door of his room and ran across the living room.

The sight that greeted Jackson when he flung open the door to Lucy Chen's room broke his heart. This was her first night home after the hospital. After a harrowing experience of being kidnapped and buried alive. He'd wanted to believe her when she'd said she was handling things. That she was okay. Now his friend was clutched in the depth of a nightmare. Her arms and legs were thrashing tossing off the blanket and sheets. Jackson set down his gun on the window sill of and cautiously approached the bed.

Jackson had heard that waking a person from a nightmare could be bad thing. Still Jackson knew he had to try. He didn't want her reliving whatever hell she was dreaming about. Whatever her subconscious was remembering. Sitting on the edge of the bed Jackson reached out and gently grasped Lucy's shoulders forcing her to stop moving. He was afraid she'd hurt herself. Lucy continued to struggle; her eyes tightly closed. Her legs kicked out.

"Lucy, it's Jackson."West called. "You're safe; you're home. It's just a dream."

Lucy screamed again and broke free of Jackson's grip. The movement sent her rolling off the bed. She ended up on the floor. His heart full of empathy Jackson knelt and touched Lucy's left shoulder.

"Lucy, you're safe. Just a dream. You're safe."Jackson said once more.

Lucy withdrew from his touch and curled in on herself. The space between the bed and the closet was so small she just barely fit and there was no way Jackson was going to be able to get in there with her. He stood and ran a worried hand through his hair. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand Jackson saw it was nearly three in the morning. Not many would answer a three am phone call, but he knew one person that would. Jackson retreated to his bedroom and grabbed his cell and dialed. 

* * *

Tim Bradford muttered a curse as the ringing of his cell phone woke him. Or more accurately the vibration. It was resting on the pillow next to him. He'd been watching some sports clips on the internet basketball, football, baseball anything to distract his brain enough to sleep. It'd partially worked but it'd taken a long time for sleep to come. With recent events Tim didn't ignore the call. He glanced at the screen and his heart sank as he saw the name. There would only be one reason why Jackson West was calling him at three in the morning; Lucy.

"What's wrong?"Tim answered the call without preamble

"She's having a nightmare. I can't wake her."Jackson replied worriedly. "I'm afraid she'll hurt herself."

"I'll be there in fifteen."Tim stated ending the call.

It'd take him more than that, but this time of night Tim would break a few speed limits. Quickly Tim changed clothes grabbed his cell phone, wallet and keys and left.

As Lucy slowly awoke she was completely disorientated. It was dark and she was in a small space. Oh no! Had her rescue been a dream? Had she never left the darkness? A whimper escaped Lucy and she wrapped her arms around herself.

* * *

Jackson opened the door to Tim's first knock. He'd been about to raise his hand for the second impatient to know what was going on. The look on Jackson's face told Tim everything.

"She hasn't woken?"Tim demanded as he entered the apartment.

"No, at least she's not responding to me."Jackson responded anxiously leading the way to Lucy's room."I left the lights off...I didn't want to freak her out more."

"Good idea."Tim replied quietly. "Stay here. I don't want to crowd her."

Jackson nodded and stepped back but Tim saw his worried eyes remain on the darkened room. He stepped into Lucy's room and let his eyes adjust. Once they did he walked to where his partner lay on the floor. Tim's heart stopped and he let out a slow breath. Lucy was curled into a tight ball. As much as the space would allow. Her bare feet were pressed against the closed closet door.

"Boot, you're safe."Tim said gently as he crouched down. "It's over; you're home."

* * *

"Boot, you're safe."

Lucy would know that voice anywhere. She clung to it; let it ground her. Slowly Lucy came back to herself and she felt the dregs of the nightmare fall away.

"It's over; you're home."Tim voice broke through once again.

Lucy opened her eyes really seeing this time. She was still in the dark but the familiar shadows of her furniture soothed her. She was truly home; the rescue had been real. A sob broke free before Lucy could stop it. Sitting up Lucy leaned back against the bed drawing her knees in. Tears flowed.

"Sssh, boot."Tim soothed moving to her.

Later Lucy would wonder why her T.O was in her bedroom in the middle of the night. Right now his presence was her anchor. Through blurry vision Lucy saw Tim wrap his arms around her. There was barely enough space for the two of them. She fell into his embrace. The tears fell harder and Lucy wondered if she was falling apart. If she would get past the trauma.

"You're safe."Tim whispered. "He can't hurt you. You're okay now."

She wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe she was that strong. Right now her world seemed to be tilting and Lucy didn't know which way was up.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Falling Apart

author: Cindy Ryan

They must've sat there for over an hour. Tim's left hip had gone numb, but it was a small price to pay. Lucy's sobs had quieted, but her right hand remained clutched to his shirt as it rested on his chest. Not knowing what else to do Tim ran soothing circles along Lucy's back.

"Thank you."Lucy said breaking the silence her voice raw.

"What partners are for."Tim responded softly.

Lucy shifted and pulled away from Tim. He instantly felt the loss and tried to shove that alien feeling down. In the moonlight Tim could see Lucy sit back against the bed wiping her face with the bottom of her shirt. She looked so small and frail such the opposite from who she was.

"I guess Jackson called you."Lucy surmised with a sniffle.

"He was worried."Tim replied as he sat back against the closet. "Said you were having a nightmare and he couldn't wake you."

"Oh."Lucy responded quietly. "That explains being on the floor."

"Want to talk about it?"Tim prompted gently.

Lucy drew in a long breath and released it.

"I was back there; it was so dark and there was no air."Lucy explained in a haunting tone.

Tim saw a shudder go through his partner's small frame. He reached over and tugged free a blanket that was half off the bed anyway. Tim drew the blanket to him. Lucy's words hit him like a physical blow. Logically he'd known what she'd endured, but now he was hearing it. A knot of guilt formed in his stomach. Tim tried to push the guilt aside. Lucy needed him. This was the time to make things right; to help her.

"He zip tied my hands; did you know that?"Lucy continued shakily. "I got free, but by then it didn't matter."

Tim felt bile rise and he swallowed it down. Lucy hiccuped another sob and Tim scooted closer. He wrapped the blanket around her and drew her back to him.

"In the...the dream the darkness seemed to be enveloping me; suffocating. Then the barrel would shift and it wasn't because of the rescue but I was falling deeper where no one would find me."Lucy said her voice dropping to a whisper by the final word.

"Boot..."Tim began.

"It was so real."Lucy said as she shifted back against Tim pulling the blanket closer. "When the dream finally stopped...for a moment I couldn't tell where I was. I thought that the rescue hadn't been real that I was still..."

Tim cursed Rosalyn silently for her killing rampage that created a follower. Lucy was shaking now and Tim heard sniffles as she tried to hold back the tears.

"I feel like I'm falling apart."Lucy admitted as she lifted her head to look at Tim.

"You're not."Tim replied adamantly as he reached out to wipe away tears. "You're smart and strong..."

Lucy laughed bitterly.

"I don't feel strong."Lucy said brokenly.

"I know, but you will get through this."Tim promised huskily as he pulled Lucy back into an embrace.

Lucy rested her head on his chest. Tim placed his back against the closet with his feet under the bed. They were still sitting like that when the first rays of dawn came through the window. Tim was the only one awake; Lucy had fallen back to sleep and hadn't had any more nightmares. For that Tim was grateful. Listening to his rookie's breathing was almost putting Tim to sleep. Fortunately Jackson's soft knock on the door kept that from happening.

"She's asleep."Tim said to the youth's unasked question. "Help me put her on the bed."

Tim was so cramped in the small space that he knew he wouldn't have been able to safely transfer Lucy from the floor to the bed without help. Jackson scrambled forward and gently scooped Lucy up into his arms. Tim got painfully to his feet ignoring the aches and that his right foot had fallen asleep. He pulled back the sheets as Jackson placed Lucy on the bed. Then Tim picked the blanket up off the floor and tucked it around his partner. He watched her for a long moment before he nodded to Jackson and the two men crept out of the room and Jackson silently shut the door.

"Thanks for coming."Jackson commented softly as they moved to the kitchen. "I heard her crying; she okay?"

Tim rubbed a hand along the back of his neck as he looked back at the closed door. His silence answered for him because Jackson swore.

"In her dream she was back underground."Tim said bleakly. "It shook her; thinks she's falling apart. Makes me want to pull Caleb out of hell so I can kill him one more time."

Jackson nodded glumly.

"It's going to be a tough few days for her."Tim continued grimly. "We're going to have to rally; make sure somene is always there when she needs us and when she thinks she doesn't."

"Got it."Jackson confirmed then his cell phone beeped.

"Damn, I have to go in."Jackson said as he read the text. "Grey wants my report by eight."

"I'll stay with her."Tim offered.

"Thanks."West replied as he headed to his room.

* * *

Twenty minutes later Jackson left. Tim rummaged through the kitchen until he found coffee. He started the coffee machine. Using an ap on his phone he ordered breakfast to be delivered from a nearby twenty-four diner. Tim ordered some things that if Lucy woke later they'd keep in the fridge and could be reheated. Once the coffee was done the food arrived shortly after.

As he ate at the breakfast bar in the silent apartment Tim found himself picking at the food not really tasting it. Lucy's tear filled brown eyes kept passing by his mind's eye making the knot of guilt in his stomach tighten. Tim put the fork aside and closed the container. He put it in the fridge. Lucy's words from earlier echoed through his troubled thoughts.

'I feel like I'm falling apart.'

No matter what Angela or anyone said Tim was as much at fault for Lucy's trauma as Wright was. Caleb may have been the one to put the lid on the barrel but Tim had pushed her in a direction she hadn't wanted to go. She'd wanted to go home and sleep. Following her T.O's advice had put Lucy in hell. A hell Tim couldn't even imagine. The little she'd told him had made his blood run cold.

A cry from Lucy's room had Tim running. He pushed open the door to see her once more caught in a nightmare. The sheets were tangled around her small frame. Her face was pure anguish. Not letting himself think to much Tim moved quickly to his partner. He gently gripped her by the forearms holding her still.

"Boot, it's okay. You're safe."Tim said gently.

Lucy struggled for a moment longer and then stopped. A few minutes later her eyes opened. His rookie was disoriented at first then she recognized him. Tim could see when all the memories clicked into place because her face paled.

"Was just a dream, Lucy."Tim commented softly as she sat up. "You're going to be okay."

"I'm glad you're here."Lucy replied her voice hoarse and near breaking.

Tim sat on the bed and pulled Lucy into an embrace.

"You're going to be alright, boot."Tim said once more.

No matter how rough it was for her Tim silently promised that he'd be there; every step of the way.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Falling Apart

author: Cindy Ryan

notes and summary: See part one

It was mid-day when Lucy woke. Her eyes were dry and gritty from crying. Her body ached from the kidnapping and from being on the floor. She burrowed deep under the covers as memories returned. Lucy was more than a little embarrassed that she'd let the nightmare break her. That she'd lost emotional control in front of Tim of all people.

He hadn't judged her. Lucy had felt nothing but support and friendship from her T.O. That had surprised her. Then again since the quarantine the relationship she'd had with Tim had grown. He still gave her crap on the job but it wasn't as harsh as it had been at the start. With Lucy being close to the end of her training they were almost equals and he was starting to treat her as more of a partner.

_'You're safe, boot.'_

Lucy wondered when the word boot had evolved for them. She hadn't been that out of it last night to hear the tenderness Tim had put in that word. The term was supposed to remind rookies where they ranked. Now with her and Tim it'd almost become a nick name of sorts. Tim holding her and telling her she was safe had been the combination she'd needed to calm down enough to get some rest.

Knowing the only way to recover from the kidnapping was to get on with her life. That meant getting out of bed. With a sigh Lucy pushed aside the covers, got up grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom. Reaching the living room Lucy stopped in surprise seeing Tim sitting on the sofa watching tv. He turned at her approach. She had not expected him to still be here.

"How are you feeling?"Tim asked as he stood walking to her.

"Better."Lucy replied feeling a slight blush color her cheeks. "Thank you for staying with me."

Tim nodded as he shuffled his feet not quite looking at her.

"Jackson home?"Lucy inquired.

"Left early for work. Grey wanted his report."Tim explained quietly.

On my kidnapping. The enormity of the situation hit her full force once again. Lucy wrapped her arms around her torso hugging her clothes to her chest. She leaned back against the wall by her room.

"I still can't believe I was so wrong about Caleb."Lucy began softly.

"He fooled a lot of people, Lucy."Tim soothed as he stepped closer. "Including me."

Lucy blinked at the sudden anger in his voice.

"Tim, I..."Lucy began.

Tim ran a hand through his hair and Lucy saw the other hand clench into a fist.

"Angela told me there was no way I could have known."Tim continued bitterly. "Damn it, I should have seen through him. All these years patrolling the streets and my instincts failed me."

Lucy hated seeing the pain etched on Tim's face. The anger and anguish in his eyes. The guilt pouring off him in waves. She set down her change of clothes and moved towards her partner.

"Every minute you were missing I hated myself."Tim stated hoarsely meeting Lucy's gaze. "I questioned my future as a cop. If I didn't see Caleb coming, if I didn't protect my partner what good am I to this city?"

Lucy felt a lump of tears in her throat. Her heart ached for him. Lucy reached out to Tim with her right hand but he stepped back his gaze haunted.

"I'm sorry, Lucy. More than you'll ever know."Tim apologized."If-If you want to switch T.O's I'll understand."

When Lucy had regained consciousness after being freed from her prison the first face she'd seen had been Tim. From what she'd heard her partner had been the one to find her; the first to start digging. Lucy swallowed hard and her vision blurred. Lucy blinked as she shook her head.

"You saved me."Lucy said fiercely. "When I needed my partner the most; you were there. That's what matters." 

* * *

"Lucy..."Tim began.

Lucy wrapped her arms around Tim and hugged him tight. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her small frame. He was beyond grateful they'd found her.

"I don't want to switch T.O's."Lucy said her voice muffled by Tim's shirt.

Part of the weight lifted off of Tim's shoulders. The knot in his stomach eased at her words.

"Good."Tim acknowledged quietly. 

* * *

They stood like that for a long time. Lucy reluctantly pulled away and stepped back.

"I should finish getting ready."Lucy commented as she reached for the clothes.

"You have plans for today?"Tim inquired.

"No, well besides going in to give my own report."Lucy responded. "You have an idea?"

"Yes."Tim grinned. "Get dressed; I'll drive you to the station."

Lucy smiled and nodded before turning and hurrying into the bathroom. She hadn't missed the mischievous glint in Tim's eyes. She was more than curious to what he had planned.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Falling Apart

author: Cindy Ryan

notes and summary: See part one

After an emotionally draining three hours Lucy was free of reports and debriefs. She and Tim left the station. They grabbed lunch from the circle of food trucks near the station and took it to go. They ate in Tim's truck on the way to the mystery destination. The only thing Tim had told her was to wear comfortable clothes preferably jeans. She wondered if they were going for a hike. As they got farther from the station Lucy began to recognize streets and the neighborhood. They'd been here several times since the quarantine. A place that held lots of fun good memories.

"Paintball!"Lucy exclaimed with a wide smile.

Tim grinned at her enthusiasm.

"I was able to round up the group we usually play with."Tim said. "We have the range for the afternoon."

A few minutes later they pulled in to a familiar parking lot. They went to the locker rooms and stashed their bags and got ready. When they stepped out onto the range Lucy was immediately greeted with hugs and smiles. The paintball group was a mix of men and women in their late twenties early thirties. She and Tim had clicked with them almost instantly. Lucy and Tim joined separate teams and spread out.

By five o'clock Lucy was covered in dirt and splattered with multi-colored paint. She hadn't stopped smiling since they'd set foot on the range. It'd been a great way for her to deal with some of the stress and emotions of the last few days. Lucy had also been happy to see Tim enjoying himself and having fun. They returned to the locker rooms to clean up then said goodbye to their friends before walking out to Tim's truck.

"Thank you."Lucy said when they reached the truck. "That was fun; what I needed."

"I'm glad."Tim responded with a smile. "Though I beat you twice."

"I think the last was a tie."Lucy countered as they got in the truck. "Mark was out of bounds."

"Majority disagreed, boot."Tim said with a grin.

"Either way they agreed to a rematch next week."Lucy commented with a shake of her head.

"Wouldn't miss it."Tim enthused."Tired, boot? Want me to take you home?"

"No."Lucy admitted. "Well, a little tired, but hungry too."

"Dinner it is."Tim agreed as he reached to put the key in the ignition and turn it. "I'm glad you had fun."

"I did, was a good idea."Lucy said as she settled back in the seat.

"I do have those once in awhile."Tim joked.

"Hmm."Lucy replied.

Tim put the truck in reverse then stopped and put it back in park. Lucy frowned and looked over at her partner. Their was an expression on his face that she couldn't quite read. Before Lucy could ask why they weren't leaving Tim turned and faced her. 

* * *

Tim had been happy to see the smile on Lucy's face as they played paintball. He'd rarely seen her without it all afternoon. That had been his goal. The strange thing about the day was that paintball of all things had given Tim time to think. To think of how important Lucy had become to him. How he'd felt when he thought he'd been too late. He hadn't come up with any conclusive answers except he didn't want to spook Lucy. Didn't want to pressure her; not after everything she'd been through. Yet, he still wanted to show her how he felt.

"Tim?"Lucy queried softly.

Tim glanced at his partner and smiled. She had a smudge of green paint on the right side of her neck just under her jaw. It was small so she hadn't seen it, but it gave him an opening. He found a napkin in the center console and reached towards her.

"You missed a spot."Tim chided gently as he brushed the napkin against her neck.

"What?"Lucy asked in surprise as she flipped down the visor mirror and tried to see.

"Sit still, boot."Tim ordered quietly.

Lucy stopped moving he wondered if she caught something in his voice or expression. Tim knew being this close to her skin was intoxicating and he didn't have enough will power to stop his plan. He caressed the left side of her face with his free hand before leaning in and capturing her lips with his.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Falling Apart

author: Cindy Ryan

notes and summary: See part one

Lucy was about to fall into the kiss when a thought made her pull away. She narrowed her eyes at Tim who was looking at her with trepidation.

"What about Rachel?"Lucy demanded.

She'd set her friend up with Tim after all. Lucy wasn't about to be the one to cause her hurt. Tim sighed and sat back against the driver's door.

"We broke up."Tim said softly.

"What?When?"Lucy asked with concern.

"After we found you. When everyone was at t he hospital."Tim explained as he met Lucy's gaze. "Rachel had suspected for awhile. However, she saw that I was more worried and concerned for you than a co-worker or friend should be. I didn't want to hurt her, but we both knew if we kept going that it'd end badly."

"I'm still your rookie, Tim."Lucy pointed out in an unsteady voice. "I want to finish my training with you; I feel I earned that."

"So I stepped over the line?"Tim asked quietly. "I'm just a friend to you?"

Loaded thought as she mimicked Tim's position of leaning against the passenger door. She could still feel the chemistry from their kiss. If Lucy was honest with herself for months she hadn't been able to define the bond she had with Tim. He'd become such a large part of her life.

"No, you're not just a friend."Lucy said with a sigh. "I do care about you; a lot." 

* * *

Tim felt his heart leap at Lucy's words. He reached across and took her hands in his interlacing their fingers.

"I know you want to finish training with me,"Tim began. "But we could talk to Harper. You get along well with her."

"That'd leave you with Nolan."Lucy pointed out.

"Maybe or I have the Sgt's exam in a few weeks. Once I get on that list I could be placed anywhere in the city."Tim continued hopefully.

"True."Lucy said looking down at their hands.

Tim saw the scratches and bruises that were still there. Evidence of how she tried to free herself. Of how hard she fought to stay alive. He freed a hand and reached up to caress Lucy's right cheek. He was heartened when she leaned into his touch and closed her eyes.

"I do care about you, Lucy."Tim stated huskily as he moved closer. "I don 't know how to describe it. I just know when I thought I was too late. When you weren't breathing; everything in my life shifted. I realized how important you'd become to me. I wasn't going to let you go without a fight." 

* * *

Lucy knew Tim. Knew how much each word he'd just said cost him. The emotions she saw in his eyes told her what he was saying was the truth. His touch showed her how much he cared. Question was did she want to take a chance and give her heart to Tim Bradford? Lucy scoffed at the last thought. Truth was he'd had it for awhile and she hadn't realized. Lucy freed her hands and cupped Tim's face. As he smiled she leaned in and kissed him deeply. Close to fifteen minutes later Tim reluctantly stopped their kissing and pulled back. Both were breathing heavily.

"Want to go back to my place and we'll order dinner in?"Tim suggested with a grin.

"Sounds like a wonderful idea."Lucy replied with a smile.

Tim leaned over and kissed Lucy quickly once more. Then he put the truck into drive and pulled out of the parking lot.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Falling Apart

Author: Cindy Ryan

Notes and summary: See part one

Pizza had never tasted so good to Lucy. She knew the brush with death was making her appreciate the little things. Still, the pizza tasted heavenly as she and Tim sat on his sofa watching an old James Bond movie on his flat screen tv. Lucy eyed a fourth piece of pizza but pushed the box aside on the coffee table and settled back on the sofa. While she was still recovering from her ordeal Lucy hadn't lost that much weight to justify four pieces of pizza in one sitting.

"Don't go into a food coma."Tim chided with an amused smile.

Lucy looked at him through half mast eyes.

"Movie and a pizza is a deadly combination; you know."Lucy responded returning his smile.

Tim sat his plate on the coffee table and moved closer. Lucy didn't move; waiting. Tim didn't say a word; didn't need to. Lucy saw the heat and desire in his eyes and suppressed a shiver. Tim kissed her thoroughly and Lucy linked her arms around his neck.

"You are beautiful."Tim murmured when they came up for air.

Lucy lost herself in the next series of kisses. A pleasant interlude later Tim pulled back and sat up. He tucked Lucy next to him in a one armed embrace. They finished the movie and Tim stood tugging Lucy to her feet. It was dark outside now. Tim turned off the tv and grabbed his wallet and truck keys.

"Come on, I'll take you home."Tim suggested.

Lucy knew what she did next would change them. They could take things slow or she could embrace the life that was nearly taken from her. She smiled at Tim and draped her arms around his neck.

"What if I don't want to go home?"Lucy asked softly her lips inches from his.

"Are you sure, Lucy?"Tim asked in a deep husky tone.

In response Lucy kissed him. Kissing all the way Tim led them to the bedroom.

* * *

Epilogue

The next week flew by. Grey approved Lucy being reassigned to Harper for the rest of her training. With Talia's warning from months ago echoing through her troubled thoughts Lucy had been afraid of what colleagues would think of the abrupt switch of T.O's. Especially after Tim had applied life saving measures to Lucy after she was pulled from her underground prison. Happily Lucy found the important people in her life were happy for them. The others made a few snide comments but that passed.

Now it was saturday around nine pm. Tim had taken some overtime which had postponed their dinner plans. Jackson was out with his boyfriend leaving Lucy alone in the apartment. She'd ordered takeout not having the energy to cook. A knock at the door signaled her dinner companion's arrival. Lucy opened it to find Tim looking stunningly handsome in jeans, a white shirt and a dark suit jacket.

"Hi."Lucy greeted with a smile.

"Hi."Tim responded as he leaned forward. "I missed you."

"Missed you too."Lucy commented.

Tim kissed her and Lucy stepped back into the apartment. She heard Tim kick the door closed as the kiss deepened.

"I could get used to this."Lucy murmured once they broke apart.

"You're stuck with me, boot."Tim responded with a smile.

"Good."Lucy replied kissing him once more.

As Lucy prepared and reheated the takeout she knew how lucky she was. She had a second chance at life and a future with a man Lucy knew she was quickly falling in love with. Whatever lay ahead for them; they'd face it together; like always.

end


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